I was having conversation last nite. actually the conversation quite interesting for awhile there. casual chat,no tense,and all the bullshit in the name of new friendship.
First Conversation :
i chat with a guy i used to go out with,i wont consider as my ex because he`s just passed by for awhile.And so our chat began with i asked what he production he was doin and the rest of is history.. casual chat about his world of work...later on i asked if he is going to go to his friends wedding which by accident his parents friend are my parents friend.(halah..ribet yaakk) and so i asked whom is he going to go with? quite paused....there...* and i asked to myself..why i even have to asked...* and so he mention a name.. yes a new friend in his friendlist. and so i made joke about it..and he said just look at my FB,dear and lemme know what you think? ..and i said? does it matter? he said...you are rite...doesn`t matter....
and he just said we are just friend..and i said..hey,no problem i trust you...you are just friend ..for now..fine by me...and he said whatever....and i have to convinced that i trust him * and still with my finger crossed and said to myself..whatever*
and our conversation went by again....by making conversation about his world of work.....
later on i was chatting with my new chat friend...i`ve known him for a while...and for quite sometimes we chatted just for the sake of chat...and have few laugh along these cruel days of works.
2nd Conversation :
our conversation begin when he`s bored had to be rest in bed for awhile because of his ill from...* i can`t pronounce it well..but its cool name related to lungs*. and the conversation went on and on about his crush or his love to the lady that he thinks she`s complete him...if he had the chance to win her heart. for quite sometimes i knew who`s the girl...and i let him unrevealed it..and so he`s been sick of holding his feelings back....because he thinks if it let out in the open what would the girl say..... i told him a relationship would not be a good idea at the moment.. all i can say is the cosmic and the environment not support enough towards his feelings. he would not have the time to maintain it.....
from these 2 conversation i asked again to myself could a man and woman can actually be friend without any of hidden agenda???
back then i was sure it can be done...i had a lottsssss...up until now...a male friends..and they are friends..truly friend.. i can measure only 5 % is have hidden agenda...the rest is purely friendship...
but now i`m looking at the reality ;
- i wonder who my ex goin out with..which actually none of my business* oopsss..i said it my ex* , and still have this unspoken and try to get rid of the feeling...maybe its love or whatever.
- i wonder how a man suffered because he can`t have his woman friend to like him back or at least replied the signs.
- i remembered the time some of 5% suffered.
- i rememebered the time i suffered from this burden feelings...sick.. wondering...hoping...and loving.
- i sense other feelings hope..expected could he be the one for her while he thinks we are just friend and will remain single for awhile...
is it complicated already male and female friendship?
what happen to all the casual things i used to do...
- go over to my male bestfriends cried my heart out...sleeping over..without any feelings the will jump into me...
- late call just to talk and check how he`s doin ..
- go to movies just the 2 of us...ignoring what people may say..because we are friends.....!!!!
i sense expectations from this 2 conversations...and it was not mine....!!
both men are suffered from his selfish game
both men are tried to heal from wound
both men are running from all his problem and yet....doing the same thing all over again...it never heal...!!
both men are missing the essence of love....and dont get it what love is...
love is not feelings...its the ability....!!
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