100 days of my beloved papa

100 days passed
since i lost the kind,noble,assertive,and humble person
every time i start to write about him,i have to hold my tears finding the right word to express how i feel.

none of this lost makes things easy.
when we tried so hard to move on with our lives
when we tried to shed tears every time someone mention or reminds me about him

some said for a person who`s just lost his father i`m not seems sad
the question mark arose as they saw me laugh and work like crazy an just enjoyed the moment.

little that they know,probably it is the time in my life that i have absolutely no idea where and what i should do.

just like a ship lost its captain
just like sky without cloud

and i can feel his presence,his face always be with me
his strength feels runs through every veins

but still....

i can`t cope with my lost

i`ve become a sailor without purpose

time flies but heart stays.

there were times i wish that i was with him in his joy not only in his pain.

the last joy moment was that i had time to spend watching soccer while he was having
hemodialisis process , i don`t even care about the soccer game. but i care the presence.


and then there i was in his pain
in his most lowest turning point
wish i had known better wish i had the ability to stay strong

and that was my weakness point.
his pain is my weakness

i know the only thing left was my prayers
and i could only wish that he heard every prayers i send
every tears i cry
every weak i feel
every joy i smile


100 days ... i live and i`m still tryin`to living